NATALEE HOLLOWAY MYSTERY SOLVED
Aruba ( UPI ) - the disappearance of American tourist Natalee Holloway has finally been unraveled, but the FBI and Interpol did not find the body they thought they were looking for.
the fate of the missing teenager was uncovered by telejournalist and former NFL star Tim "the Tool" Green. most Americans now recognize Green for hosting the sleazy television tabloid "A Current Affair"....... 
Green was shooting on location in Aruba in order to fully manipulate the ongoing story in order to improve ratings and promote his latest book, "I am a Dumbass, But I'm Richer than You", when he decided to take a bruncheon at this establishment....... 
it was here that Green met up with two local Aruban women, who in short order convinced Green to retire to their apartment in this building....... 
once inside, Green overheard several Dwarf women conversing about "that little American bitch". Noted for his cognitive prowess, Green immediately discerned from what he was hearing that Holloway had actually been abducted and sold into white slavery by a ruthless gang of of white slave traders. Green then used his persuasiveness to beat several prostitutes into submission, converting the apartment into a killing field, while extracting confessions from the local women. what he learned was that the gang was none other than the notorious "car show gang" - that is, "Mr. Big" ( Gary Coleman ) ....... 
and his lackies, Mickey Dolenz and David Hasselhoffenheimerschmidt. the gang purportedly lured Natalee into the General Lee with a couple of candy bars and Michael Jackson concert tickets. once inside the General Lee, Miss Holloway was beaten silly with a wet noodle before being whisked to a waiting plane, which transported Mr. Big and Natalee to Madagascar and the awaiting K.I.T.T., who then drove them to their final destination, the Ukraine, where a big money trade was finalized between Coleman and this man ........ 
who is as of yet unidentified, but is said to reek of fish and vodka. Coleman, Dolenz and Hasselhoffenheimerschmidt have been detained by US and foriegn customs authorities, but no information is said to be forthcoming. however, the US supreme court is reportedly waiving all constitutional rights of the suspects, and has summoned an interrogation team of Tim Green, Lucifer and R. Lee Ermy. though her fate has been learned, Natalee's exact location is unclear, with authorities from both the US and Russia declaring the transaction "legal, binding and proper according to international law".Miss Holloway's family did, however, receive this postcard sent by overseas courier........ 
Aruba ( UPI ) - the disappearance of American tourist Natalee Holloway has finally been unraveled, but the FBI and Interpol did not find the body they thought they were looking for.
the fate of the missing teenager was uncovered by telejournalist and former NFL star Tim "the Tool" Green. most Americans now recognize Green for hosting the sleazy television tabloid "A Current Affair"....... Green was shooting on location in Aruba in order to fully manipulate the ongoing story in order to improve ratings and promote his latest book, "I am a Dumbass, But I'm Richer than You", when he decided to take a bruncheon at this establishment....... it was here that Green met up with two local Aruban women, who in short order convinced Green to retire to their apartment in this building....... once inside, Green overheard several Dwarf women conversing about "that little American bitch". Noted for his cognitive prowess, Green immediately discerned from what he was hearing that Holloway had actually been abducted and sold into white slavery by a ruthless gang of of white slave traders. Green then used his persuasiveness to beat several prostitutes into submission, converting the apartment into a killing field, while extracting confessions from the local women. what he learned was that the gang was none other than the notorious "car show gang" - that is, "Mr. Big" ( Gary Coleman ) ....... and his lackies, Mickey Dolenz and David Hasselhoffenheimerschmidt. the gang purportedly lured Natalee into the General Lee with a couple of candy bars and Michael Jackson concert tickets. once inside the General Lee, Miss Holloway was beaten silly with a wet noodle before being whisked to a waiting plane, which transported Mr. Big and Natalee to Madagascar and the awaiting K.I.T.T., who then drove them to their final destination, the Ukraine, where a big money trade was finalized between Coleman and this man ........ who is as of yet unidentified, but is said to reek of fish and vodka. Coleman, Dolenz and Hasselhoffenheimerschmidt have been detained by US and foriegn customs authorities, but no information is said to be forthcoming. however, the US supreme court is reportedly waiving all constitutional rights of the suspects, and has summoned an interrogation team of Tim Green, Lucifer and R. Lee Ermy. though her fate has been learned, Natalee's exact location is unclear, with authorities from both the US and Russia declaring the transaction "legal, binding and proper according to international law".Miss Holloway's family did, however, receive this postcard sent by overseas courier........
Aruba ( UPI ) - the disappearance of American tourist Natalee Holloway has finally been unraveled, but the FBI and Interpol did not find the body they thought they were looking for.the fate of the missing teenager was uncovered by telejournalist and former NFL star Tim "the Tool" Green. most Americans now recognize Green for hosting the sleazy television tabloid "A Current Affair".......
Green was shooting on location in Aruba in order to fully manipulate the ongoing story in order to improve ratings and promote his latest book, "I am a Dumbass, But I'm Richer than You", when he decided to take a bruncheon at this establishment.......
it was here that Green met up with two local Aruban women, who in short order convinced Green to retire to their apartment in this building.......
once inside, Green overheard several Dwarf women conversing about "that little American bitch". Noted for his cognitive prowess, Green immediately discerned from what he was hearing that Holloway had actually been abducted and sold into white slavery by a ruthless gang of of white slave traders. Green then used his persuasiveness to beat several prostitutes into submission, converting the apartment into a killing field, while extracting confessions from the local women. what he learned was that the gang was none other than the notorious "car show gang" - that is, "Mr. Big" ( Gary Coleman ) .......
and his lackies, Mickey Dolenz and David Hasselhoffenheimerschmidt. the gang purportedly lured Natalee into the General Lee with a couple of candy bars and Michael Jackson concert tickets. once inside the General Lee, Miss Holloway was beaten silly with a wet noodle before being whisked to a waiting plane, which transported Mr. Big and Natalee to Madagascar and the awaiting K.I.T.T., who then drove them to their final destination, the Ukraine, where a big money trade was finalized between Coleman and this man ........
who is as of yet unidentified, but is said to reek of fish and vodka. Coleman, Dolenz and Hasselhoffenheimerschmidt have been detained by US and foriegn customs authorities, but no information is said to be forthcoming. however, the US supreme court is reportedly waiving all constitutional rights of the suspects, and has summoned an interrogation team of Tim Green, Lucifer and R. Lee Ermy. though her fate has been learned, Natalee's exact location is unclear, with authorities from both the US and Russia declaring the transaction "legal, binding and proper according to international law".
Miss Holloway's family did, however, receive this postcard sent by overseas courier........
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